Exploring your sexual self doesn’t always have to be with a partner. In fact, we think the best time to learn about your sexuality is when you are by yourself. In doing so, there’s no pressure to rush or to perform. You can spend this time feeling your own vibes, learning what gets you off (and what doesn’t), what hurts or feels uncomfortable (and what feels oh-so-good), and what new tricks you can bring into partner play.
To help guide you, we put together a short list of ideas on how to explore your sexuality independently. So sit back, take off your pants, and relax.
1) Jerk Off
We want you to play with your dick. You’re probably thinking—how groundbreaking! But there are more benefits to getting your rocks off than you think. Masturbation has been proven to increase serotonin levels, therefore, making you feel happier. There are also physical benefits, like keeping your prostate clear and healthy. Prostate backup is a real thing and, if left untreated, it can potentially lead to an enlarged prostate that can be quite uncomfortable. There’s also been research to suggest that men who ejaculate more often have lower incidences of prostate cancer. Why is this? It’s thought to be mainly linked to the fact that you’re constantly working the gland and therefore keeping it in shape. Your body functions best when it’s being used (hence why exercise is so important) and when you’re promoting blood flow that carries oxygen and micronutrients to all your bits and pieces. You’d be surprised—some guys just don’t make time for masturbation. However, if you jerk off regularly, then try taking this time to find different benefits of getting off at certain points in the day. Many guys report a quick session in the morning helps reduce brain fog and fatigue, while others report that night time sessions help them fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. Whatever your reason is, just get off.
2) Look at Your Hole
At Bespoke Surgical, we are all about the ass. While we look at them all day long, there are plenty of people who have never seen their own hole. Give us the hole truth—how long has it been since you really took a good look? From a sexual standpoint, men feel more confident during sex knowing that their hole looks good. And looking good can mean different things to different people. Some guys love a hairy hole, while other guys want it smooth. And there are plenty of guys who are equal opportunists. Whatever your preferences are, we encourage you to get acquainted with your hole, both for sexual and health purposes. As with any part of your body, knowing what your hole looks and feels like normally can help you detect any abnormal changes, at which point you should schedule an office visit.
3) Play With Your Hole
Now that you know what it looks like, why not find out what it feels like? One of our goals is to educate everyone on maximizing pleasure, while minimizing injury. This starts with familiarizing yourself with the ins and outs of your hole (no pun intended). Whether you’re a pro bottom or a total top, listen up: a prostate orgasm is typically the strongest orgasm a guy can have. There are plenty of amazing prostate toys that hit you in the right spot, so now might be a good time to invest in one. For general play, try dilating with toys that were made for anal (this means they have a base to prevent slipping entirely inside) and lots of toy-safe lube (stay away from silicone lube unless you’re using glass toys). This helps keep your sphincter and the skin trained to withstand the friction and force your ass is put through during play. Not only are you making yourself less prone to injury during future sexual encounters, but also you’re pleasuring yourself at the same time. Talk about a win, win!
4) Erotic Stories
Most of us by now have watched porn; however, a lot of people haven’t explored the excitement that lies within erotic stories, both in text or audio. With so many porn videos at our fingertips, why pick up a book or plug in your headphones and have to use your own imagination? Before visual porn (videos and images), people read erotic fiction and non-fiction. You can find these stories online at sites such as Nifty, Reddit, and Literotica, or audio stories on sites like Dipsea. From kink fantasy, half-fiction, to sci-fi (we’re not kidding), just like Pornhub, the categories run the gamut. So whatever you’re feeling that day, you can likely find it. Erotic stories are a great way to learn more about yourself and what gets to you off. Since these are usually longer and more intimate, guys really feel like they can connect with their psyche. Erotic stories can bring out new fantasies to try out in the bedroom with a partner or they can just be something private for you to enjoy on your own. Either way, they make great edging material, which we will discuss more about later.
5) Sexting
Ever have an ongoing conversation with a certain someone that leads to bedroom talk? Did you start to tell them all the things you’d like to do to them? Well, we love it as much as you do. Sexting, much like erotic stories, can be a fun way to explore your sexuality. You may find yourself typing scenarios you never thought of doing before. Maybe some of it is just talk (and that’s okay—some things are better left undone), but maybe other things are fantasies you want to one day try out in the flesh (pun intended). Sexting is great for long-distance couples, a fun way to spice up an open relationship, or simply a great way to test out the waters to see if you’re sexually compatible with a new special someone.
6) Sex Toy Play
If you follow us regularly, you’ve read plenty about why we think sex toy play is so important. By training your hole to dilate on command, you’re helping reduce potential injuries that can take place during the real act. It’s not just about stretching the muscles, but also the skin, and by doing so, sex can feel even better. In this section, however, we’re going beyond the ass. Fleshlights and masturbation sleeves (like Tenga eggs) can be a fun alternative to jerking off with your hand. Fleshlights can be a great way to build stamina to last longer in the bedroom, as well as finding your rhythm for your own pleasure. Another option is a vibrating dildo or butt plug, either one that you control yourself or one that someone can control from elsewhere via Bluetooth. All these types of toys provide different sensations that simply cannot be replicated, so why not explore?
7) Watch Softcore Porn
Similar to the idea of erotic stories, softcore porn can be a great way to explore your sexuality in a more intimate manner. Experiment with fine touches and passionate thoughts and see where it takes you. We’re often overstimulated with the intense energy around us that we feel like we need to always match it, thus the increasing interest in watching hardcore porn. While this can be a great outlet to channel some of that built up energy, sometimes it’s best to approach sex in a more meditative manner. By breathing in slowly and letting your imagination wander with fewer external stimuli, this might be all you need to explore your passionate side.
8) Edge
Edging is the perfect way to spend half a day getting your rocks off. For those unfamiliar with edging, it’s the act of taking yourself to climax, but stopping right before you come. This sort of teasing is done repeatedly over a period of time. For some guys, it can be just a few minutes, while for others it can be for hours. The goal is usually a massive orgasm that is often felt through your whole body. Everyone edges differently—for some, it’s just about jerking off, while others may incorporate several toys. If you haven’t tried it, it might be fair to say you’re missing out on the biggest orgasm of your life. Just be careful not to make a huge mess…!
9) Try New Positions
We’re not talking about for sex… we’re referring to new positions by yourself. Do you always find yourself in the same routine? Jerking off on your bed or couch, or in a chair facing your laptop? Why not switch things up?! Getting off can take place in all different forms. Try jerking off standing up, using your imagination, or maybe incorporating toys. Or maybe upside down on your bed so you can give yourself a complimentary facial (our kind of self-care). Some guys even prefer jerking off as if they’re getting fucked in missionary or doggy. Sounds pretty hot, right? Just because you’re by yourself doesn’t mean masturbation has to be vanilla. Look forward to masturbating just like you do sex and it’ll elevate the experience.
10) Take Nudes
Some guys love being recorded during sex or being watched (with consent, of course). The same thrill can be experienced by yourself. I’m sure most of us have taken a nude selfie at some point, whether it was to send on Grindr, to slide into someone’s DMs, or even to share with a significant other. But have you ever experimented with taking nudes just for the sake of taking nudes? It may sound strange to some, but you may find that it brings out the voyeur in you more than you thought. Taking nude pictures and videos is a form of self-expression. Getting in touch with your intimate side and feeling sexy can also be liberating. The best part about it is you don’t even need to send them to anyone. They can be just for you. Pro tip: download an app to hide your intimate pictures on your phone—you’ll thank us later.
How you approach this is completely up to you—there’s no right or wrong way to explore your every nook, cranny, or hole(s). It’s just important that you find the time to do it. The more in tune you are with your own body, the better you can guide yourself—or someone else—to hit all of the right buttons. You never know what you’ll uncover.
