Disability and Sexuality Part 5: My Favorite Sex Toys, Gadgets and Tools

Having dwarfism taught me a harsh lesson early in life: People think we dwarfs look strange. I know because they stare and gawk, and even say rude things to us. I often wonder if that knowledge made me the creative and gutsy man that I am today.

Long ago I realized that too many people automatically believe negative things about me so, why not live my life on my own terms? As in Frank Sinatra’s classic song, I did it my way. I was never afraid of being different, especially in the bedroom.

While I make no promises that what works for me will also work for you, this quirky list of sex-related items is meant to be a brainstorming kick-start for your own list. Disabilities are as varied as human beings, so when you search for solutions, toys, lubes, and buzzy devices to enhance your sex-life, keeping an open mind can go a long way.

I Love My Jingly Balls (Dexterity)

For those of us with full or even partial use of our hands, increasing dexterity can greatly increase bedroom pleasure. Our hands, in fact, are the best multipurpose sex toy we have. My trick for keeping them nimble are Chinese Baoding Balls. If you look them up on Wikipedia, they even LOOK like a sex toy.

Baodings are metal balls small enough to hold in one hand and are used by rotating two or more balls repeatedly in the hand. Having severe osteoarthritis and stubby fingers caused by my dwarfism, I can vouch for the effectiveness of using these magical exercise balls. They also can trigger meditative states when you do it right, and good sex is often improved by a relaxed mind and body.

I first came across my special pair of jingly balls at a souvenir shop in Montreal’s Chinatown district. When I picked them up, they had a very nice musical chime. Being a musician I thought increasing dexterity and strength in my fingers would increase my musical abilities: Boy was I right!

While I have no scientific proof that Baoding balls improved my bedroom skills, I suspect they at least improved my ability to give better massages.

Location, Location, Location

I once had a partner who LOVED having intercourse from behind, what is called “doggy-style,” but we were having a heck of a time getting the elevation just right.  Matching pelvis levels can be very difficult, especially when height differential is extreme.

After many failed and frustrating attempts, we finally came across a combo of items that could have been overlooked as “sexual enhancers” in any way. Item one was a simple plastic step stool, but that was too hard my lover’s knees.

To pad the step stool, we tried many cushions: None of them did the job in terms of comfort AND stability. Until one day, I bought an orthopedic cushion for my sciatica problem. Combined with the step stool we had reached that sweet spot: Hot dog, we had a winner!

I realize there are many positioning pillows and cushioned wedges available in sex shops to help us try out as many Kamasutra positions as possible. But they can be super expensive, and unless you can “try before you buy”, there’s no guarantee they will fit your needs.

Always look around your household for existing items, and don’t be afraid to try creative combos before buying from those expensive catalogs.

A Silicone WHAT?

My favorite toy? That’s simple: My silicone vagina! Yep, you read that correctly, a silicone vagina. Women have had access to dildos and vibrators for centuries, so why not a toy for men?

A former lover of mine said she was weirded out by my sex toy. But after she helped me use it on a night where it was difficult for us to have intercourse, she understood (and enjoyed) our “his and hers” sex-toy sessions.

In fact, some women prefer the feel of a lubed up faux-vajayjay gently caressing them “down there”, rather than the traditional phallic penetration. Variety is the spice of life, so why not?

The most common brand is called the “Fleshlight,” but I found it was way too big to get a grip of. There are lots of alternatives, so go to your local sex-store and ask questions, or shop online and read those reviews and comments!

Cialis and Cock-Rings

Being a dwarf and 54 years of age, pain can be a huge distraction and can cause some flabbiness when trying to getting an erection. I try to stay away from strong pain meds that could make matters worse, so my doctor prescribed Cialis for me, and it has worked wonders.

While a pill should never replace a healthy “pre-sex” routine (foreplay, massage, etc.), the right prescription used properly can add the required pep when trying to perk up your you-know-what.

Cock-rings offer up a similar oomph factor: Just be sure that you and/or your partner have the dexterity required to remove the darn thing when you are done. Either that, or make sure there is a trusted friend with strong hands in the next room, just in case: Safety first!

Last Nut Not Least: Our Brains

Yes, our brain is the best tool we have that can enhance our sex lives. While being spontaneous is always nice, pre-planned sessions allow for a delicious build-up in our imaginations. Find what turns you on most: Reading erotic literature, watching porn videos, or just lying there thinking of your lover for ten or so minutes before the fun begins.

Knowledge also is important, and there’s always so much to learn. Techniques, positions, roleplaying, and so much more. Find trusted sources that match your lifestyle, and read, read, read!

Speaking of which: Thanks for reading this article! Now if you will excuse me, I have some serious Baodinging to attend to.