Q&A With Dr. Laurie: Are Sex Toys “Competition”?

“Competition” G-Bliss - the O-Maker vibrator In The Bedroom

Q: Last week I was having a drink with my girlfriends when the subject of sex toys came up. We all have our favorites, of course, and each are pretty different. One of my friends mentioned a toy that is, well, larger—and another one had a strange reaction. She said that we shouldn’t get toys that big, lest our partners get insecure about them or feel like they’re in competition. She was completely serious and said she had that problem with an ex. Is this a common thing that men are weird about? And if so, how can we as partners help them get past it? 

A: It’s not uncommon for some men to feel insecure or intimidated by sex toys, particularly those that are larger or more advanced than what they may be used to. However, it’s important to remember that sexual pleasure and satisfaction is not a competition, and the use of sex toys does not diminish the intimacy and connection between partners.

If your partner is feeling insecure or uncomfortable with the use of sex toys, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with them. Try to understand their concerns and reassure them that the use of toys is not a reflection on their sexual performance or ability to please you.

Encourage your partner to explore and experiment with sex toys together, and make it clear that their pleasure and satisfaction is a top priority. Involve them in the selection and use of toys, and make sure to communicate openly and regularly about what feels good and what doesn’t.

Remember, sex toys can be a fun and exciting way to explore new sensations and enhance sexual pleasure for both partners. By approaching the topic with openness, understanding, and a willingness to communicate, you can help your partner overcome any insecurities and enjoy the many benefits of incorporating sex toys into your intimate relationship.

Fake It Till You Make It

Q: Last week I ran into a problem that I’ve never had before. My girlfriend faked an orgasm. I knew something was off, because it was a bit more theatrical than it’s ever been before. It’s not like we were doing it too long, or she was too tired—everything was pretty standard. I asked her about it afterward and she admitted that she did, but wouldn’t really say why. I didn’t want to press her and make the conversation even more uncomfortable when she was clearly trying to shut it down. If it keeps happening I will of course address it, but I’m wondering more in general about why women fake orgasms. In your experience, is there an overarching reason behind it? Or is it different for everyone? 

A: Faking an orgasm can be a complex issue and the reasons behind it can vary from person to person. Some women might fake orgasms because they feel pressure to please their partner or to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings. Others might do it to end sex more quickly or because they’re not fully comfortable communicating their needs and preferences. In some cases, women might fake orgasms because they’re not able to reach orgasm during sex, and they may not know how to address this with their partner. It’s important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your sexual experiences and needs. Encouraging your partner to be honest with you about their sexual experiences and needs can help to build trust and create a more fulfilling sexual relationship. If you suspect that your partner is faking orgasms, it might be helpful to have a conversation about your sexual experiences and how you can work together to make sure that you’re both enjoying sex and feeling satisfied.