Intimacy Vs. Closeness
Q: I consider myself lucky that my parents are still together after 40+ years of marriage. One thing that was a constant in our house was that they shared a bedroom and I always expected the same thing from my own marriage. But we both have some serious sleep issues. She is a light sleeper and I snore. Loud. Earthquake loud. I’ve tried many things to combat it but nothing works. She’s sleep deprived and it affects her mood, which then affects my mood as well. Right now we’re surviving with ear plugs and Breathe Right strips, but every once in a while she sleeps on the couch. She’s talked about sleeping in the spare room.
Basically, the point is that I worry that sleeping separately will affect our relationship and our sex life more than sleeping together. Do you have any input on this?
A: It’s understandable to be concerned about how sleeping separately could impact your relationship and sex life. However, it’s important to remember that there is no one “right” way to sleep as a couple, and what works best for you may not be the same as what works best for other couples.
If snoring is causing significant sleep disturbance for your partner, it’s important to take steps to address it, such as consulting with a doctor or sleep specialist to explore treatment options. This may involve lifestyle changes, such as losing weight or avoiding alcohol before bedtime, or medical interventions, such as using a CPAP machine.
If sleeping separately is the best option for both of you to get the quality sleep you need, it doesn’t have to negatively impact your relationship or sex life. Many couples find that sleeping separately actually improves their overall well-being and reduces conflicts related to sleep disturbances.
However, it’s important to maintain emotional intimacy and physical affection outside of the bedroom. This might involve setting aside regular time for date nights or cuddling before bedtime, or finding other ways to connect and show affection throughout the day.
Ultimately, the key to a successful relationship is communication, understanding, and a willingness to work together to find solutions that work for both partners. If sleeping separately is the best option for you both, it’s important to approach it with an open mind and a commitment to maintaining your emotional connection and physical intimacy.
Trying Something Different
Q: So, I’ve had plenty of sexual partners but I’ve always been a fairly vanilla person. It’s been mostly straightforward sex. My current partner and I have a fantastic sex life, but this is *one* thing that he really wants to do that I’ve never had any interest in… until now. I want to try anal sex with him. Neither of us have done it before, so it’s not like I can ask him what I need to do or how I need to prepare. Any tips for first time anal sex for straight couples? And if we decide it’s something we’re going to add to our sex life, is there anything I should know for the long term
A: First of all, it’s great that you’re open to exploring new things with your partner! Anal sex can be a pleasurable experience for both partners, but it’s important to take it slow and communicate throughout the process.
Here are some tips for first-time anal sex:
- Communication: Talk to your partner about your concerns, desires, and boundaries. Make sure you both feel comfortable and have a clear understanding of what you want to try.
- Preparation: Take your time to prepare your body by cleaning the area with a gentle soap and warm water. You may also want to consider using an enema or douche to clean out the rectum beforehand.
- Lube: Use a lot of water-based or silicone-based lube to prevent discomfort and make penetration easier. You’ll want to apply it both to your anus and your partner’s penis.
- Start slow: Begin with gentle touching and massaging of the area around the anus before moving to penetration. Use your fingers or a small toy to slowly work your way up to your partner’s penis.
- Relaxation: It’s important to stay relaxed and take deep breaths to ease any tension or discomfort. Don’t rush the process, take it at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.
As for long-term considerations, it’s important to be aware of potential risks such as STIs and tearing. Use condoms and consider getting tested regularly. It’s also important to communicate with your partner about any discomfort or pain, and to listen to your body and stop if something doesn’t feel right. Remember, communication, patience, and lots of lube are key to making anal sex a pleasurable and safe experience.
