Women having trouble reaching orgasm
Q: It is to my understanding that some girls struggle to orgasm. Don’t get me wrong, our sex life is great, but she doesn’t feel anything, even when she masturbates, she doesn’t feel anything. There are times when she does, but it’ll only be for a few seconds before she goes quiet again. She’s also been like this with her ex’s. My question is what could be the reason for her not reaching an orgasm and how can she have an orgasm?
Q #2: In my life I have had long term relationships, one of them current, with women who can’t ever come. The first one had never come with a partner, and the second one (the current one) may have never come at all. What things can I do and steps can I take to try to help her come? What can she do to help herself?
A: It is not uncommon for some women to have trouble reaching orgasm. There are some women that orgasm while being penetrated vaginally and some (most actually) only while having their clitoris stimulated. Assuming that there are no medical reasons why she cannot reach orgasm, we have to take into consideration that sex for many women is mental—in her head. One option is to try to verbally arouse her… Tell her how beautiful you think she is, how sexy she is, how much you love her and want to please her, how much she pleases you. You could also try exploring some sex toys and she can see what works best for her. Sex toys like vibrators for clitoral stimulation have a high rate of success amongst many women. Sometimes if a woman has a blindfold on while she is being orally pleasured it can help her block out the rest of the world and concentrate on being aroused. One of the major keys for a woman to achieve orgasm is to know and explore her own body to see what works for her. Everybody is different and when a woman knows what arouses her, physically or mentally, she can guide her partner to help her achieve orgasm. The clitoris is a good place to start as it has 8000 nerve endings and is the only part of a women’s body that is strictly for pleasure. Having said all this, if a woman is worried about stuff, thinking too much, or putting a lot of pressure on herself to achieve an orgasm, she will not be relaxed enough to feel everything that is going on, and thus will have trouble reaching orgasm. Some women only experience orgasm later in life, once they learn more about their bodies and learn how to let go. For some information on female sexual pleasure, see my TEDx talk on the subject see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnigGtrwAfs
Is monogamy dead?
Q: Why do people cheat on their partners? Is monogamy dead?
A: This is a question that a lot of people have. Although many have no problem being faithful to their partner, there are some people that cannot stay true to just one person. There are those who just need more….more sex, more passion, more desire, more attention, more affection as well as having desires fulfilled that their partner may not be comfortable with. If one person in the relationship needs more of something, the first person they should discuss this with is their partner. There is such a thing as sexual compatibility and sometimes two people, as much as they may love each other, are just not compatible sexually. As with many relationship issues, compromise is always a key element as well as open communication.
Birth control/The Pill
Q: Hey, my girlfriend started using the pill recently and we are both in a long term relationship and neither of us have any STI’s or diseases, but I was wondering if the pill will stop pregnancy if I were to finish inside of her without a condom. I’ve heard that the pill has a higher chance of avoiding pregnancy than a condom, but I can’t find many articles saying anything explicitly about finishing inside the girl without a condom.
A: The only 100% protection against pregnancy is abstinence. Although the birth control pill has a 99% chance of effectiveness when used properly, the actual percentage is 92% which is usually due to not using it exactly as prescribed. If pregnancy is definitely not in your short term plans in your relationship, the more protected you are the better. But used properly and as directed, the pill is better than only using a condom. To be safe, doubling up with both the pill and condom use would help to further decreases your chances of unwanted pregnancy.
