Ambiance Is Everything
Q: For reference, I’m a 25-year-old male college grad. My first sexual experiences took place in my dorm room, which was…probably not ideal for sex. Then, I lived with roommates, in a situation that was equally messy, gross, and probably very unpleasant for any female visitors. I’m finally living on my own for the first time and seeing someone I really like. I still feel like a bit of an amateur when it comes to “adulting,” and I want to know if you have any suggestions for how to create a “sexy” environment in the bedroom.
A previous girlfriend roasted my living situation after breaking up and said that it really inhibited her sex drive while we were together, so I wanted to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Maybe I’m taking it too personally, but I’d like to make sure that any potential girlfriend will feel totally comfortable in my bedroom/bathroom—comfortable and welcome enough to do the deed, stay over, etc. but I have no idea what’s expected. Above and beyond that, I’d appreciate any tips to create an ambiance that’s extra conducive to sex.
A: What a great question and topic for discussion! It brings to mind a book that a colleague and one of our contributors, Frank Kermit wrote about “pimping your pad.” The first thing that a woman will notice is if the place is clean and tidy. Then make sure your sheets are fresh and not stained. Having some nice scented candles can be romantic and also will have your place smelling nice. Pay attention to your décor—is it childish or grown-up? For example, I once met a guy who had nothing but beer coasters on his wall—it wasn’t all that inviting! Unframed posters of sexy women also scream teenager. A good exercise for you is to walk through a place like Ikea (the big store) and see how they set up the bedrooms. They are generally quite tastefully done and don’t have to cost a lot to make it look inviting.
Abstinence Due To The Pandemic
Q: Hi Dr. Laurie! I haven’t seen my girlfriend for almost a year and a half. Because the pandemic blockage started when I was aboard (& I’m still). Well. I’m lucky to have an amazing and healthy sexual life with this beautiful girl. But the distance is killing me. We’ve tried all kinds of “online encounters” and we always end up unsatisfied. Masturbation is not an option to calm down my libido.
A friend of mine told me to have sex with anyone just to “relax.” It’s not that simple. Here’s an example:
Imagine you go to Colombia and you taste the best coffee in your entire life! Then you leave that beautiful country. Therefore, everywhere you go for a coffee now, it tastes like crap.
So how do I decrease my libido for now? As a couple, we respect all preventive restrictions during this pandemic. We’re scientists. So we are aware of the complexity of this virus.
A: I’m truly sorry you are going through this difficult time. I know how frustrating it can be to want someone physically who is so far away and out of reach. Long-distance relationships can be really difficult and oftentimes lonely. Cheating on your partner is definitely not the answer unless you have a previous arrangement with her that permits such extracurricular activities. For now, you are kind of stuck doing the online thing and masturbating together or alone. Have you tried sex toys that you can control remotely with your phone? Check out WEVibe toys as they have lots of couple toys. We live in an age where there are so many options in terms of toys that it’s worth looking into.
