Partner’s Porn
Q: My partner and I are very open to each other, I know he watches porn regularly, which I do not mind at all. But I found gay porn in his search history. Should I be worried that is he getting off on gay porn? I feel like I should, since I’m a woman, but I don’t know if I’m just being close-minded.
A: I totally understand your concern. However, we must remember that porn is fantasy, and some of our fantasies may be seen as ‘weird’, or even ‘disturbing.’ What we choose to watch or fantasize about is usually not an indication of what people want to do in real life. It is likely that your partner is merely curious. It is still important that you two have conversations about sex. Talk about what excites you both in a non-judgmental manner. And respect each other’s boundaries if your partner is not ready to discuss their deepest fantasies just yet. If your partner feels that you can handle it and not be judgy or turned off, then they are more likely to share.
Masturbation
Q: I am a 58-year-old male in good health. I tend to watch a lot of porn, it’s my form of entertainment. Of course, I masturbate when I am watching porn. My problem is that since I have been doing this for many years, the only way I can have an orgasm is by myself. I have tried many times to have an orgasm with sexual partners and I almost get there, but not quite. In long term relationships I can “cum,” but even then it takes some time, and I have to imagine a porn scene in order to orgasm. Some sexual partners see this as a lack of interest, or that you’re not fully attracted to them, and they feel your “robbing” them of that experience. So this is truly a problem for me, as I would like to walk away from a great sexual experience satisfied, but I never feel that. I am currently single and have no plans to engage in another LTR, so I really need help with this, please. Thank you.
A: You may not want to hear this, but the only way to start having orgasms with partners is to quit masturbation. You need to rewire your brain to some degree so that you find your partner and the sex as arousing as the sex you watch in porn. You will also need to get used to different forms of stimulation besides your own hand.
Sexual Desire
Q: I turned 18 a while ago. I’ve never had a sexual relationship, but for the past few months, I’ve begun to have very strong sexual desires. I don’t know how to bring them under control. Can you give me some tips?
A: At your age, your testosterone levels peak, making it normal that you’d be feeling a lot of sexual desire. Most individuals start with masturbation. Remember that what you do with your desire is in your control. Masturbating daily is quite usual for men your age. However, masturbating very frequently could have a negative impact when you start having sexual relationships (check out the articles on our site that do cover this topic).
Spit in Porn
Q: Hello Dr.Laurie, I am kind of asking a lame question about porn actors spitting on each other’s genitals, and the way they go from penetration to fingering to spitting to anal play and so on in different orders. It strikes me as a totally unsafe sexual practice, and when I see it, I wince a little. I know that editing is involved in porn videos, but I was wondering if you could shed some light on the safety of this practice.
A: Exactly! They edit the videos. You cannot go from anus to vagina (with penis, finger or toy) ever without washing in between, because of the bacteria you will transmit. It’s not so much the spit that is a problem, but rather the anal fluid which you do not want in your mouth or your vagina.
