Q&A With Dr. Laurie: The New Sex Basics

Is It Really About The Journey And Not The Destination?

Q: Hi Dr. Laurie. I’m a dude and I’ve been with a few women throughout my life who didn’t really cum from sex (I always did and do). They insisted that it was fine, that it was normal for them. What’s this about?

A: These women are absolutely right. The vast majority of women definitely need more than intercourse to orgasm. They need direct clitoral stimulation which intercourse doesn’t provide. That doesn’t mean that intercourse is not pleasurable. It’s just not all that necessary. A good lover is one who pays attention to what works for their partner and who put their partner’s pleasure front and center. So spend more time with foreplay, giving her oral sex, using your hand, or even a sex toy on her.

Feminine Hygiene For Male Sexual Partners

Q: Hi Dr. Laurie. Last week my girlfriend and I were having sex, and I accidentally nearly penetrated her anally, but then kept going with PIV sex. She immediately got mad at me and said that I can’t go from bum to pussy, because I’ll give her BV. I didn’t know that was a thing. In the past, another girlfriend who had frequent yeast infections was concerned that we were passing one back and forth.

I’m kind of at a loss over what role I as a male play in the different types of infections (BV, yeast infection, UTI—is there any I’m missing?). I learned about safe sex in school, but that had to do with STDs, not these types of things. Are there certain rules of hygiene I should be following? And not just like, for PIV sex—what about oral hygiene, hands, etc.?

A: I’m happy you are taking the type to think about hygiene as YES it is very important for women so that they don’t develop vaginal infections from bacteria introduced into their vaginas. Fecal matter is probably the most “dangerous” to a vagina. So never ever go from anal to vaginal without first changing the condom or washing your penis well. The same is true if you don’t wash your hands before touching her vagina with your hands. Not all women are exactly the same as some are more prone to vaginal infections than others. As for yeast, men can have it too, especially if they are uncircumcised as yeast needs a moist place to grow. So it is possible to keep passing it back to her, which means when she gets treated, you should too. Nevertheless, some women seem prone to getting infections after sex even if you practice perfect hygiene. If this is the case, she should talk to her gynecologist to see what treatments are best for her.