Sex is many things.
But it is not painful.
Too many people think that it should be but that's a stereotype that needs to be unlearned and replaced by the fact that sex should be painless.
What Causes Pain During Sex?
In order to avoid experiencing pain during sex, we must first identify its potential causes. Together with ACOG, here are the following:
Lack of Desire
Yes, it's true that one's willingness or unwillingness can affect the way they experience things. In the context of sex, if your partner is not in the mood, then they will most likely experience pain during sex whether that's during foreplay or penetration. That's because the body is not open to such stimulating ministrations.
Lack of Arousal
It is also true that if your partner's feelings are not aligned with having sex, they will most likely get hurt. That's because emotions influence the way your partner perceives sex. If their feelings are geared towards the negative then their perception of sex would be negative as well.
How Can I Avoid Pain During Sex?
After going in-depth into the two main causes of pain during sex, let's dive deep with Healthline on tips to avoid pain during sex:
Communicate
Don't underestimate the power of communication. Its role in sex is pivotal because it can influence the way we treat our partners and our relationship in general. It's best to make time to sit yourselves down and be open about the things you like and don't like about sex, and the ways you prefer for them to be approached and avoided. For example, if your partner voices out that they are not yet ready for anal, then it will be best to avoid doing it for the time being.
Check with Your Doctor
Seeking help from a professional is not something to be ashamed of. In fact, it can inform you on whether or not the pain is caused by something external like wrong sex positions or foreplay techniques, or caused by something internal like a yeast infection or vaginal spasms. Keeping up-to-date with your health will keep your bodies healthy and develop safe ways to practice sex.
Schedule
This one only sounds contradictory on the surface but scheduling special days where you and your partner get to try something new in sex, actually helps prepare them for it and lessen the element of surprise which might steer you or your partner away from the thought of getting it on. Plus, these special days to have sex actually builds up on you and your partner's confidence because the both of you are aligned in the fact that this is a time of exploration — neither of you should be perfect and that's okay.
Lube and Pace
These two go hand-in-hand because lube lessens friction between you and your partner's genitals while pace can help you and your partner ease into a position without risking pain and potentially ruin your sex life.
Positions for People who have Pain in Sex
The best part about all of this awareness and preparation is the fact that you and your partner get to try these comfortable sex positions, courtesy of HealthShots:
Spooning
As the name suggests, the receiving partner is hugged from behind by the giving partner — resembling a spoon. This allows a couple to lie down on the bed and have it cushion their body weight, lessening the pressure that comes with penetration. Additionally, the position only allows the couple shallow thrusts of their penis or strap dildo — making the sensation of penetration easier to manage.
Riding
This position puts the receiving partner on top as the giving partner lies down on the bed. This position actually gives the receiving partner the freedom to dictate the pace, depth and intensity of the giving partner's penetration. This is perfect for individuals who are very sensitive to pain and would like to have a say in the way they are painlessly pleasured in bed.
Standing
This sounds hard to do at first but imagine you and your partner getting it on in the shower — your bodies are standing and pressed against each other by the wall. That's what it means to have sex while standing. It allows the couple to put themselves in a position where the giving partner cannot penetrate too deep which helps the giving partner because it lessens the risk of experiencing pain during sex.
Doggy
The reason why the Doggy is a classic is because of its many benefits. In the case of people who experience pain during sex, the Doggy with a Hip Lift actually helps reduce pain because the angle restricts the penis or strap from pushing in too deep.
Sixty-Nine
Last but not the least, the Sixty-Nine is a position that serves many purposes. In this case, a couple doesn't even have to engage in penetration and pleasure can be achieved through oral stimulation. So if you or your partner are still on the fence about inserting a penis or strap, then this position is a great place to start.
Conclusion
As ACOG says, nearly 3 out of 4 women experience pain during sex at any given point of time in their lives. Some experience pain temporarily while others have a long-term relationship with it. It calls upon partners or potential lovers to practice patience, openness and communication when it comes to finding ways to relieve pain during sex. Think of it this way, would you want to see your partner hurting in something that is supposed to feel good? Keep that in mind as it will help you practice empathy towards your partner or anyone who is prone to experience pain during one of the most intimate human experiences. The act of understanding goes miles and miles more than the act of sex itself. Pleasure should be a joint effort of mental, emotional and physical alignment so that this steamy act fills up with meaning and becomes a catalyst to deepening your relationship as a whole.
