The myth is that aging kills sex. The truth is that while many senior citizens “retire” from lovemaking, many others don’t—and increasingly these sexy seniors are saying so. One is Joan Price, now in her seventies, whose excellent book, Naked At Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex, relates how, at 57, she fell madly in love with a man who was 64. They married and enjoyed hot, deeply fulfilling sex for many years until he passed away. The erotic heat of their marriage inspired Price to write her book, which deals with all aspects of senior sex. Read it and you’ll never again think anyone is “too old” for great sex.
Of course, aging brings sexual changes. Compared with the frenzy of teen sex, older sex is also less exuberant, less like the Fourth of July, and more like Thanksgiving. But for many (most?) older folks, interest in sex remains strong. If you’re playful and have an open mind, it’s not difficult to adjust to the erotic changes aging brings and enjoy satisfying sex—no matter how many candles are on the cake. In fact, as Price relates, older sex can be an improvement over younger sex—bringing greater sensuality, deeper intimacy, and more erotic fulfillment.
How many older people have sex? University of Chicago researchers surveyed the sex lives of a nationally representative sample age 57 to 85. Respondents were asked if they’d had partner sex during the previous 12 months.
Men answering yes:
- 57 to 64: 84%
- 65 to 74: 67%
- 75 to 85: 39%
Women answering yes:
- 57 to 64: 62%
- 65 to 74: 40%
- 75 to 85: 17%
More than half of men are sexually active until age 75, women until 65. After that, the main reasons things change are medical conditions and partner loss. Partner loss is a particular problem for women. Most get involved with men who are somewhat older, and then they outlive their mates and spend years as widows. As the men develop late-life medical conditions that limit sex, the men’s problems limit the women’s sex lives.
Does aging reduce sexual satisfaction? No! A Newsweek survey asked a representative sample of 801 Americans aged 45 to 65: Did you enjoy sex more when you were younger? A majority—57 percent of the men and 59 percent of the women—said no, that sex at their age was just as enjoyable as it was when they were younger, or better. British researchers came to the same conclusion in a survey of 4,000 older adults. Three-quarters of respondents under 45 said they felt sexually satisfied. For respondents over 65, the figure was identical, 75 percent. I agree. I’m 71 and enjoy sex with my wife as much as I did when we became lovers 50 years ago.
Of course, some sex problems increase with age. After menopause, most women develop vaginal dryness and vaginal atrophy, thinning of the vaginal wall. Both can make intercourse uncomfortable, even with lubricants.
Older men develop arousal and erection problems. Arousal difficulties are disconcerting because many (most?) older men wistfully recall how they once become aroused instantly and effortlessly. In addition, most older men develop some level of erectile dysfunction (ED), inability to raise erections even during extended masturbation.
Some older men worry that if they can’t raise erections, they can’t have orgasms. No! Erection is not necessary for male orgasm. In an erotic setting, with enough hand massage and/or fellatio, a man with no erection at all can still enjoy satisfying orgasms.
In addition, later-life medical conditions—in yourself or your partner—can interfere with sex: diabetes, heart disease, etc. And widowhood may eliminate one’s partner. This is a particular problem for women because they typically live longer than men.
Vaginal issues and erection difficulties make intercourse difficult or impossible for older lovers. Some people equate intercourse and sex, and decide that if intercourse becomes problematic, sex must be over. In fact, there’s much more to sex than just intercourse. Couples who jettison intercourse can focus instead on kissing, cuddling, mutual whole-body massage, genital hand massage, oral sex, sex toys, and perhaps some kink.
Sure, sex changes with age. But whether you’re enjoying the sexual fireworks of youth or the rich erotic mellowness of sex after 60, lovemaking can feel enjoyable and fulfilling at any age. And if you want to hear from dozens of sexually enthusiastic seniors, read Naked at Our Age, which includes their voices and pithy advice from sex therapists about making the most of all aspects of senior sex (www.joanprice.com).
References:
Bacon, C. et al. “Sexual Function in Men Older Than 50: Results from the Health Professionals Follow-Up Study,” Annals of Internal Medicine (2003) 139:161.
Beckman, NM and I. Skoog. “Determinants of Sexuality in 70-Year-Olds,” presented at the World Congress of Sexology (2005).
Dunn, KM et al. “Satisfaction in the Sex Live of the General Population,” Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy (2000) 26:141.
Kingsbury, SA. “The Impact of Aging on Sexual Function in Women and their Partners,” Archives of Sexual Behavior (2002) 31:431.
Golden, F. “Still Sexy After 60,” Time 1-19-2004.
Lindau, S.T. et al. “A Study of Sexuality and Health Among Older Adults in the U.S.” New England Journal of Medicine (2007) 357:762.
Panser, LA et al. “Sexual Function Of Men Ages 40 to 79: The Olmstead County Study of Urinary Symptoms and Health Status Among Men,” Journal of the American Geriatric Society (1995) 43:1107.
Price, J. Naked At Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex. Seal Press, Berkeley, CA 2011.
Reynaert, C. et al. “The ZENITH Sample: Sexual Well-Being Remains Important in the Over-50 Population,” presented at the World Congress of Sexology (2005).
Toner, R. “Majority Over 45 Say Sex Lives Are Just Fine,” New York Times, 8-4-1999.
