If your sex life has taken a toll and you aren’t sure why, it may be time to take a tour of your house. Whether you are cohabitating with your partner and things have slowed down or if the dates you bring home just haven’t been panning out lately, here are some unexpected things you may have around the house that could be impacting your sex life whether you realize it or not, and how to fix them.
The TV In Your Bedroom
Watching television is a popular aspect of most people’s nightly routines. It becomes a vicious and addicting habit after a while especially when your TV is in your bedroom. Not only is the TV distracting from what could be organically intimate moments, but the light from the screen before bed can hurt the quality of sleep you are getting which can contribute to feeling sluggish and not in the mood. Consider moving the TV to another room in the house or setting a nightly timer for it to shut off so you can focus on your partner and make time for connection.
That Nasty Air Filter You Forgot To Change
This one is sneaky because you cannot see the impacts of it, but it is very real. If you haven’t changed your air filter in a while, you may be breathing bad quality air which can make you sick or aggravate your allergies. Having a musty home or being snotty and congested can be a mood killer, so change that air filter and set a reminder to remember to do it regularly.
The Book Beside Your Bed
This one is two-fold. First, while reading before bed is a perfectly healthy habit and certainly a better way to wind down than scrolling through social media, you may be ignoring your partner when they are most likely to want your attention. There is nothing wrong with reading, but just make sure you aren’t so focused on those pages that you miss opportunities to connect with your partner. Second, if the book beside your bed is a religious text or a book that is connected to any religious trauma you may have (such as commandments outlawing the sexual activities you are wanting to participate in), then it could be contributing to your inhibitions when it comes to your sex life. Consider moving your book into a drawer when you are finished reading or somewhere out of sight when it’s time to be intimate.
Your Dog
Let’s be clear—this does not mean get rid of your beloved fur-babies, but you should consider the impacts of your pets on your home and your sex life. Dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals leave traces of themselves everywhere that are just not sexy. Drool, shedding, litter boxes, bed-hogging, barking, whining and scratching at the door, these are all things that can be distracting, disgusting, and discouraging to your sexual encounters. Does your dog sleep in your bed? Is the litterbox in your bedroom? Do your sheets smell like animal? Is there fur on the floor? Do your pets interrupt your intimate moments with their noises or jealous demands for attention? You don’t necessarily need to get rid of Fluffy and Spot, but consider deep cleaning and de-animaling your house more often than you currently do, boarding your pets every so often to take a break, or even just spending the night or a few hours at a hotel to get a clean pet-free break. Slight adjustments like regularly de-shedding, vacuuming, washing sheets, running slobbery toys through the dishwasher, and moving pet items further from your room (or even just your bed) can make a huge difference.
The Clutter On Your Dresser
Surfaces around the home like under-used chairs, tables, nightstands, and dressers tend to be clutter magnets. If you have one or more of these in your bedroom, try to clear it off regularly. Cluttered spaces can be distracting, overwhelming, and even stressful as it reminds you of those things you have been putting off or forgetting to do. Set a reminder to clear these doom piles off at least once a week or even just before having overnight guests to make your bedroom just a little less unsexy.
You may have noticed that a lot of these suggestions address common struggles and obstacles faced by neuro-divergent people. People with ADHD, depression, anxiety, and other neurodivergence may experience executive dysfunction or have a hard time organizing items and tasks. This, among other things, can impact your sex life more than you realize. If that’s you, check out this article on neurodivergent sex tips for more ideas on how you can improve your sex life by working with your brain rather than against it!
Dr. Stacy Friedman holds a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality in addition to a Masters in Clinical Sexology and is a Certified Sex Coach. She offers remote complimentary 15-minute consultations and ongoing coaching sessions.
