Sex Drive Differences
Q: Hi, I am a married man. I have been with my wife for 12 years and we have a beautiful little girl aged 5.
Sex drive has always been an issue over the years. With mine being very high and my wife’s been very low. Over the past 2 years I have been dirty messaging both women and men. My wife has found out and obviously it ripped her heart out. I have been caught twice now and this time she is threatening that we are through. I am begging her to not leave me and work through it but I don’t know how to stop doing this. Please help me.
A: Desire discrepancies are not unusual in couples, however you need to find better ways to deal with it other than going elsewhere. I do understand your frustration, however, infidelity (even online cheating) causes terrible damage to the trust in relationships. But there is a route to healing. The first thing you need to do is take responsibility. That means acknowledging and taking full responsibility for your actions. You need to understand the pain you have caused your wife, and the impact it has had on your relationship. You may need to consult with a therapist, alone or together, to help you with this. Honest communication is the next step. You need to initiate an open and honest conversation with your partner. Express your remorse, apologize sincerely, and assure her that you are committed to working on the issues. Please encourage her to share her feelings, concerns and expectations. Take time to reflect on your behavior to try to understand the “why.” Seeking professional help is a must, as a therapist can provide guidance and support to both of you to help you navigate the challenges you are facing. A therapist can help facilitate open communication and will help you evaluate the underlying issues, and then help you rebuild your connection. Individual therapy is also important for you as it will help you to work on yourself, address your emotional needs, patterns, etc. Your wife is more likely to engage in the process of healing the relationship if she sees you working on yourself.
Remember, healing a relationship after betrayal is a complex and challenging process. It requires effort, commitment, and a willingness to change. It’s crucial to involve a professional who can guide you through this journey and provide tailored advice based on your specific circumstances.
Clitoral Play
Q: What is the best way to stimulate the clitoris of my girlfriend?
A: Every person is unique and what works best for one individual may not work the same for another. Communication and consent are key when it comes to sexual activities. The best way to stimulate your girlfriend’s clitoris is to openly talk to her about her preferences and desires. This will allow you to understand what feels pleasurable to her and what techniques she enjoys. However, there are some general tips you can keep in mind:
- Start with communication: encourage her to guide you or give feedback during intimate moments about what she likes.
- Use a gentle touch. The clitoris is a sensitive organ so it’s important to begin with gentle and light touches. Experiment with different levels of pressure and speed to find what she enjoys.
- Apply a lubricant to reduce friction.
- Explore different techniques, such as circular motions, up and down movements, or side to side motions. Pay attention to her reactions and adjust accordingly.
- Incorporate oral sex.
- Incorporate sex toys/vibrators/clitoral stimulators, but make sure to ask her first.
Remember, the most important aspect is to communicate openly, listen to your partner’s feedback, and respect her boundaries and desires.
