Q&A With Dr. Laurie: Expanding Your Sexual Repertoire

Fisting 101 Q: I’m messaging you because I am a person who is very into fisting. I’ve introduced two women to it who seemed to love me fisting them. That said, I feel like there’s so very little information out there about how to begin stretching their vaginas and/or anuses. I would truly appreciate having an open conversation on such a niche, taboo subject. I believe that people need to be educated in what fisting and stretching is all about, how to safely go about it, how to achieve the best results, and how to keep everyone clean (so how best to clean the rectum and how to prevent vaginal infections). I sincerely hope this topic has the chance to be brought into the spotlight in a non-negative fashion. I look forward to hearing from you. A: Thank you for bringing up a still taboo subject. For those who do not know what ‘fisting’ refers to, let’s start with a definition: It is the act of an entire hand being inserted into either a vagina or an anus. Generally, it is seen as a form of more extreme sexual practice. The most important things to remember when introducing fisting into your sexual practice is to go slow and use lots of verbal communication. It is best when there is already an openness and honesty of verbal communication within the relationship(s). There must be comfort with one’s own body and comfort with the partner’s body. The receiver of fisting may want to try to use varying sizes of dilators or dildos on their own, whether exploratory or masturbatory, in order to stretch out the tissue. With any sexual practice, cleaning prior to and after is really important to ensure there is no bacteria or other organisms that enter into the body. Some people who have a lot of anal sex like to perform an enema prior to the act. This keeps the anal canal clean and makes them feel more comfortable about not having too much fecal matter visible. This takes time and patience. Don’t rush! Sometimes it can take weeks or even months to get to the point of “successfully” fisting, or full insertion. Finally, the receiver should learn or be quite adept at relaxing their vaginal or anal muscles when this is happening. The use of breathing exercises can be really helpful here to focus on the body and the breath, such as yogic breathing. When you finally feel ready, using silicone lube (which is less sticky and dries out less) and even latex gloves will make insertion easier. Introducing Anal Play Q: I’m a straight man who really enjoys having something inside me while I cum, and would love it if I was fingered or even pegged. My girlfriend is completely against any kind of anal stuff at all, having previously stated that anyone who dies it might as well be having sex with a man (which is missing the point a bit). I’m hesitant to raise the subject with her in case of her worrying that I’d rather be with a man instead. Is there any advice you can give? A: There is absolutely nothing gay about enjoying anal stimulation! There are so many nerve endings there, that when stimulated can be extremely pleasurable for both men and women. Your girlfriend is totally missing the point. I would try to educate her on anal stimulation. There are lots of articles out there (including on this site) about the pleasures of anal play for straight individuals. Oftentimes, we make judgments when we are misinformed or lacking knowledge. So inform her! The Fetish of Sounding

 Q: Hello. I have recently discovered a video and I had some questions about it. It’s of a fetish called sounding. If you are not familiar with this it is when you insert a slim metal rod into the urethra. I was wondering what are the pros and cons of this practice and what may be some potential long term effects it may cause before trying it myself. Thank you. A: I turned to this website which I found to be the best explanation of this fetish. Here is an excerpt: “Urethral sounding is what we would classify as ‘serious sex play’. This means there are some rules which need to be adhered to in order to ensure play is safe, as well as enjoyable. For sounding, the rules are as follows: Never insert an item that is not designed for urethral sounding into the urethra—this includes fingers. Always use a sterile water-based lubricant. Always sterilize toys. Clean your hands and genitals thoroughly prior to play. You may even prefer to wear gloves. Never force anything. Seriously, never. Urethral sounding is slow play. If you don’t have patience, you shouldn’t explore urethral sounding. Use the right toy—you should never go too big or too small when you sound. Choosing a toy that is too thick can result in overstretching/tearing the urethra, and a metal sound that’s too thin can result in a puncture. Never push through pain, particularly sharp or very localized pain. Always urinate straight after play to flush your urethra of any lube or bacteria that may have been inserted. It may sting a bit when you pee afterwards, but this is normal and should last no longer than 24 hours. If you’re still experiencing stinging after more than 24 hours, if there’s real or progressive pain or any sign of puncture (blood or sebum), contact a medical professional.”