Fleshlight for Masturbation
Q: Recently I’ve stopped hands-on masturbating because I hear it makes men ejaculate faster. It’s been tough fighting the urges to masturbate. Would a “fleshlight” be a better replacement than masturbating with my hands?
A: I think this is a question more about urges than techniques. There are many factors that influence rapid ejaculation, but they are more psychological in nature. For example, many boys learned to ejaculate faster so their parents wouldn’t walk in the room…or so they wouldn’t have to hear complaints from their siblings for using the bathroom for too long.
Try to pay attention to what you’re thinking about when you’re masturbating. The use of porn can influence how fast you climax, because your brain is already being visually stimulated. I recommend trying to masturbate with just mental fantasy. Try to be present and mindful (see our blog post of mindfulness—The Power of Presence).
On the other hand, it is useful to masturbate in different ways and using different techniques. Just as I said that it might be better to try using mental fantasy, using different techniques is a good way to understand your body, sexual exploration, and will teach you different ways to orgasm. With masturbating, sometimes people get into a routine and do the same thing every time and this can be problematic for partnered sex because they’re used to having an orgasm the same way every time. So using a fleshlight (a sex toy that simulates a vagina) to switch it up might be helpful.
Desensitized
Q: I am a 21-year-old virgin and when I watch porn, I am not as interested in it as I was when I was younger. The same goes for other movies that might interest people, in particular, the movie series The Fast and the Furious. I tend to be bored, and I feel like in a way all movies tend to be the same, including porn. Which leads to my concern, am I desensitized and if so how do I get that sensitivity back?
A: It is not unusual to get desensitized to anything when watched over and over again. This is why some people find themselves searching for more and more extreme porn to get to the same level of arousal as previously. This , can create a whole new set of problems. My suggestion to you is to stop watching altogether for a while. Try and develop a richer fantasy life (creating stories in your head).
