Different libidos
Q: My girlfriend and I have different libidos. My girlfriend is fine having little-to-no sex (maybe once every two weeks) when I prefer sex 4-5 times a week. She doesn’t always reciprocate sexual messages or ‘dirty talk,’ either and it makes me feel undesired and craving sex more. I’ve resulted to using my hand now which really sucks.
A: It’s very common for 2 people to have different libidos, especially in long term relationships. It is not about her not wanting you or finding you attractive, but rather about her not having much spontaneous desire for sex. Frequency in a relationship can be negotiated, which requires you both to communicate about sex. Masturbation in between sex sessions is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with your horniness. Your partner should not be responsible for your erections. If you pressure her, it might make her resent you and thus turn her off to sex with you. As for “dirty talk”, she may not be as comfortable as you are with it, but it is not an indication that she doesn’t desire you or find you attractive. If you want a better understanding of sexual desire in women, I suggest you check out my TEDx talk on the subject which you can find on YouTube or on my website.
Safe anal play
Q: Hi, I’ve gotten my girlfriend into her butt since I’ve been eating her ass. She’s more open to butt stuff than ever before. Is there any health tips for experimenting with anal?
A: Anal play can involve penetration (with fingers, toy or penis) or oral stimulation. To make it the most enjoyable possible the area should be relaxed. Play with the outside of the anus, before you penetrate. Before you penetrate with large toy or a penis, you must start with something small like a finger. Since your anus doesn’t lubricate naturally, you need to use a lubricant. Make sure that whatever you put in to a butt will not damage it or get lost up there. Which is why anal toys like butt plugs have a base on them. To protect yourself and your partner from STI’s, you should use condoms on sex toys and on a penis. You might also want to wear a latex glove for hand play, and a dental dam for oral play.
Trouble getting sex
Q: Well, like the subject line says, I’ve gone without sex for over two years now. I’m a 24 year old guy and the fact that it’s been so long since my last sexual activity drives me crazy a decent bit of the time. I know society can set some skewed standards, but even amongst my group of friends, they’ve all seen significantly more action than me over the last couple years. So what I want to know is, is there anything I can do to help myself get laid in the near-ish future? I’ve tried everything I can think of and have been suggested by friends to do: get a new haircut, buy new clothes, go to therapy to try to help myself appear more confident, force myself into different social situations that I’m not accustomed to, but none of these have helped whatsoever. Or am I just stuck with continuing this waiting game? Thanks for reading, and I also like the whole idea that’s been put together here!
Q: What can I do to have a relationship with a girl? How to flatter girl and get her to intimacy? I am 21 years old and wanting to have sex eagerly, as I haven’t fucked a girl once.
A: One of our contributors, Frank Kermit, wrote a blog post that would be helpful to both of you. As for flattering a girl, here are some guidelines when you want to compliment someone:
1-Compliments must be honest. Do not offer a compliment if you do not mean it. The more honest it is, the better the social interactions. They should not be made to “get someone into bed”, but rather to let someone know you think well of them.
2-The best compliments are the ones that expect nothing in return. If the only reason you compliment is because you want something from a person, you will come across as very creepy (Frank also wrote a book titled “Creepy to Charisma” which you could find at his website). There is a difference between being honest about your attraction: “I think you are beautiful” and saying “you are beautiful because I want to have sex with you”.
