Time Zones
Q: Hi Dr. Laurie. I’ve been in a few long-term relationships in my life and the while the frequency of sex varied, one thing was always pretty steady…we had sex at night. I started dating a new man recently, and within the first few weeks of our relationship, the sex slowed down. He’s far more tired at night and falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. But then when he wakes up, he’s ready to have sex. When *I* wake up, I feel crusty and tired and not sexy at all. I want us to be able to have a great sex life, but it seems like we’re living in two different time zones. Do we really have to commit to just one if one person ends up losing out? What’s the solution?
A: It’s not uncommon for couples to have different sexual rhythms or preferences, and it can be challenging to navigate these differences. However, it’s important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all solution, and finding a solution that works for both partners may require some compromise and creativity.
One potential solution is to explore other times of day or night when both you and your partner are feeling more energized and interested in sex. This might mean setting aside time in the morning or afternoon for intimacy, or being open to spontaneous encounters during the day when the mood strikes.
It’s also important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your sexual needs and preferences, as well as any concerns or challenges you may be facing. This can help you both better understand each other’s perspectives and work together to find solutions that meet both of your needs.
If your partner’s fatigue is related to a medical condition or other underlying issue, it may be helpful to address this with their healthcare provider and explore potential treatment options. Additionally, making lifestyle changes such as improving sleep hygiene or increasing physical activity may also help boost energy levels and enhance sexual function.
Ultimately, the key to a fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship is open communication, flexibility, and a willingness to work together to find solutions that work for both partners.
Keeping A LDR Spicy
Q: Hi Dr. Laurie. I recently found out that my boyfriend of a few years is moving for work. It’s good news, since it’s a city I’ve always wanted to live in. The plan is for me to finish up my work contract where we currently live and then join him in a year. I’m not really worried about being long-distance for a year since we have a game plan. But one thing I’m not sure about and that I’ve never had to deal with before is keeping the “fire” alive. We’ve never really been the sexting/sexy photos/FaceTime types, but we have a great sex life in the bedroom. How can we translate that to long distance and make sure that part of our relationship doesn’t fall by the wayside if it’s something that’s not really in our repertoire?
A: Long-distance relationships can be challenging, but with effort and communication, you and your partner can maintain your physical connection even when you’re apart. While sexting, sexy photos, and FaceTime may not be your usual way of connecting sexually, there are other ways you can keep the “fire” alive
One idea is to plan visits that allow you to be intimate with each other in person. This can be a great way to look forward to something and maintain a physical connection. Additionally, you can try exploring new sexual experiences or fantasies together. Discussing what turns you on and what you’re interested in trying can help keep things exciting and fresh.
Another option is to try long-distance sex toys or apps that can simulate physical intimacy. There are a variety of toys available that can be controlled remotely by your partner, and some apps allow you to connect via video call while using the toy. These options can help you maintain a physical connection, even if you’re not in the same room.
Communication is key in any relationship, and it’s especially important in long-distance relationships. Make sure to check in with each other regularly about your needs, desires, and feelings. Discussing what works and what doesn’t can help you find ways to keep your sex life satisfying and fulfilling, even when you’re apart.
Ultimately, the most important thing is to stay connected with your partner in a way that feels authentic and comfortable for both of you. Don’t feel pressured to engage in activities that don’t interest you, but do be open to trying new things and finding creative solutions to maintain your physical connection.
