Want to bring some bum joy into your bedroom? Anal sex pleasure can be a really fun exploration of an area of the body that we still have a lot of shame, stigma, and assumptions about. Everyone has a butthole—it’s the great gender equalizer! Whether you’re a beginner bum lover or a seasoned booty adventurer, there are ways to make anal sex hotter for everyone.
Here Are 7 Ways To Have Better Anal Sex
1. Communication is the “social lube” you can’t get enough of.
Though you need actual lubricants, communication is just as important to make sure everyone is having the best anal time possible. Have an open conversation outside of your sexy time. Talk about concerns, fantasies, boundaries, who’s the giver/receiver and turn ons/offs. Are you worried about hygiene? Anxious about discomfort? Prefer rimming to penetration? It can put both partners at ease to have playful and curious conversations so you know what pleasure is possible.
2. Spit might be cute, but it’s not lube.
The anus isn’t self-lubricating like the vagina, so it needs added lubrication. Use a long-lasting lube, like silicone-based lubes, and remember to re-apply during the course of penetration. If the receiver feels a burning sensation in their ass, it might be that the anal tissue is getting sore – which sometimes means anal sex is over for the night or adding more lube and taking a break might be a way to continue. Pushing past pain can lead to injuries, like fissures, of the anus.
3. “Surprise” anal is not a thing.
Though it’s a hot fantasy to walk up to someone and slip into their anus effortlessly, in reality surprising someone with anal penetration isn’t a thing. Sometimes you’re not in the mood for anal and sometimes your butthole isn’t in the mood even if you are.
In addition to hygiene prep and communication, anal sex, like other kinds of sex, is hotter with more arousal in the whole body and erotic mind. The butthole has a lot of nerve endings that benefit from external stimulation through oral sex, massages and vibrators. Learn anal stimulation techniques to pleasure buttholes externally or use toys like butt plugs to ease in. Don’t forget about pleasuring the rest of the body even though your mind is focused on the bootyhole. Relaxation and arousal help you have hotter anal sex.
4. Anal doesn’t have to be PAIN-al.
Previous painful experiences might inspire a receiver to feel anxious and nervous about anal sex. An anus that isn’t well-lubricated or aroused can experience pain during penetration. Anal sex givers/Tops—it’s important to listen to receivers/Bottoms and invite enthusiastic consent by checking in with them. It’s important that the receiver trusts that the giver will promptly stop penetration if pain arises.
Some people use anal numbing or desensitizing creams—which can sometimes lead to injury because this disrupts your body’s ability to give you information through pain. Anal fissures and other small tears can happen when we push past pain. Honor the ass, and take the goal off of penetration. There is a TON of pleasure for anuses that doesn’t have to involve penetration. It’s better to go slow and sink into anal pleasure over a series of sexy experiences, than to create anal trauma that the body will remember.
5. Play with prostate pleasure.
The prostate is a gland and its main function is to produce fluid for semen. It has many nerve endings that some people find pleasurable and even orgasmic through stimulation, like massage or vibration. Prostate pleasure can be fun during masturbation or with a partner. Some people describe prostate orgasms as distinctly different from other types of orgasms; they feel full-bodied, more intense, and can happen with or without ejaculating prostatic fluid (prostate milking).
The prostate can be stimulated externally for a milder sensation through the perineum (the area between testicles and the anus) or internally through the anus up towards the belly button. Prostate massager sex toys are a good option because the shapes and firmness makes it easy to find and stimulate the prostate.
6. Keep butt stuff in the butt.
The anus has different bacteria than the vagina and urethra—so it’s best to keep butt stuff in the butt. You can use barriers like covering butt toys with condoms, fingers with non-latex/latex gloves, and preventing oral exchange of bacteria through dental dams. You can put down a towel for butt stuff and move it out of the way when you’re moving onto other play. Keep a butt bag or container nearby so you can easily toss used toys and barriers into it without having to interrupt sexy times.
7. Anal sex doesn’t have to include anal penetration.
Sex doesn’t need to be defined by penetration—it’s defined by your mutual erotic pleasure. Sometimes we get caught up in anal penetration as the only version of anal sex, which can be intimidating to butt beginners or if you’re new to a partner.
Anal play can be both external and internal. Sometimes even our erotic imaginations influence our anal desires and options like roleplay and consensual erotic power exchange pop up.
Here are some sexy external and internal anal sex ideas:
- Rimming or rimming plugs
- Perineum (the taint) massage
- Prostate play (internal and external)
- Buttcrack massage
- Vibrators
- Butt plugs and anal beads
- Enemas
- Butt plug tails (e.g. use the tail as a sensation toy)
- Face sitting
- Sexy underwear (hi jock-style underwear!)
- Spitting/drooling
- Spanking
- Flogging
- Anal hooks
- Anal speculums
- Double-ended dildo
- Pegging and strap-on play (e.g. visual stimulation, oral performance)
For your best butt sex ever, be good to the anuses you get to play with (including your own!). Sex is a skill, use porn as your muse and take your fantasies into reality by learning more about anal masturbation, anal hygiene and learn ass stimulation techniques.
