Like most kinks, at first glance, cuckolding looks a rather unlikely erotic practice. Why should anyone enjoy watching their partner have sex with someone else, maybe while even explicitly humiliating the official mate? Still, this practice is well-known since 650BC at the least, as described by Herodotus in his tale of King Candaules, who devised pretty elaborate plots in order to have his servants enjoy his naked wife—the meaning of that “enjoying” has been up to the readers ever since. Also, talking about sex things are often way more complex than they seem.
Let’s start from the dictionary definition: “Cuckolding” as a word refers to the nasty nesting behavior of cuckoos, who don’t brood their eggs themselves but let some other bird do that by sneaking the eggs into their nest—frequently kicking out the regular clutch to free some space for theirs. Therefore, “cuckoldresses” (or “hotwives”) are women who administer their cares to a paramour while ignoring their appointed companions, called “cuckolds” or “cucks” for short. Due to his supposed inexhaustible sexual power, the invading male is named the “bull” instead. Most cuckolding games follow these gendered roles, but there is of course a female version too. In that case, the “homewrecking mistress” is a “cuckcake” intent on stealing the man of a “cuckquean.” By the way, this happens with everyone’s consent and joy. That’s the difference from any common adultery: every person in the scene takes their pleasure from it, which may be somewhat more nuanced than it looks.
The bull’s motivations are the easiest to unravel. Most bulls are strictly occasional partners, and the deeper relationship they miss out on is balanced by the thrill of having purely erotic encounters with a more-or-less unknown woman: no complications, no inhibitions, lots of fun. They also feel appreciated for their manliness, and sometimes for their courtship skills—and they sometimes enjoy the novelty of having a butler-like husband serving (and maybe servicing) them while they are at it, or of shamelessly bullying him if it is contemplated in their play rules.
When it comes to the lady, you start seeing the many facets of a mind game like cuckolding. Sexual pleasure surely plays a part in it as much as novelty does… but there is much more to it. Things like the tingle of feeling desired and capable of seducing another man; the naughtiness of putting on a great private porn show for her mate; the mischief in playing with his jealousy, all the while knowing that there is nothing serious behind it. Finally, there is a more or less overt aspect of erotic dominance to consider, that as we are going to see below may be a part of a larger BDSM arrangement.
Last but definitely not least, the cuckold is far from being a passive spectator—in fact, he is the hub of it all. Like every “submissive,” he holds the ultimate power of accepting and greenlighting the game itself, and he often plays an active role in choosing the lovers for his companion. He enjoys the building tension before each encounter, possibly helps her to prepare for them, then he takes the best seat in the house to appreciate the scene. Having somebody else doing the hard work of satisfying his “insatiable” mate allows him not to worry about performance anxiety. Also, reliving the erotic dynamic of being the spurned suitor of a very desirable woman may bring him back to his teens—and deep down everyone cherishes feeling young again, whatever that means. The most important trick, however, is that he isn’t the loser he seems. Quite the contrary, he is actually the one who keeps the girl when the bull has been used and booted out of the house like a discarded sex toy: what is more affirming than such a proof of being worthier than a slew of “perfect” lovers?
BDSM does frequently play a part within cuckolding games. The sexually active couple usually denies the cuckold any physical pleasure: he could get as lucky as being allowed to masturbate, but more often than not the cuck is kept in chastity. Besides basic teasing, the dominant “hotwife” may spice it up through verbal humiliations, demands to be pampered while in bed with her lover, or to sexually serve them both. Some women even get their men to drive them to their affairs and subserviently wait in the car until they are done, or go out on dates leaving their partner alone…only to keep them constantly aroused via kinky messages giving a play-by-play of their adventures, photos and the such. All of this can even be a part of an exhibitionistic attitude in which cuckolding is more or less openly declared—a very common approach is to proudly display his chastity device key on a chain around her neck or her ankle, for everyone in the know to get a little thrill from it.
Cuckolding, like a lot of sex games, tends to grow and wane in popularity also depending on what the flavor of the month in porn is. Very few couples make a real lifestyle out of it, while most treat it just as one of the many variations in their repertoire, which also helps in reducing the risks of something going wrong. Unexpected accidents can happen: an actual romance between the cuckoldress and the bull, for example, or a sudden self-esteem crisis in the cuckold. Some “thirds” may even take the home-wrecking fantasy too literally and actually attempt to separate the couple for the fun of it—it is far from frequent, but it would be sensible to discuss every possible issue and contingency before embarking in such an emotionally demanding game. As always, active consent between all partners is the most important thing.
