We have all heard the jokes made about backrubs that lead to sex, but there are many more ways massaging your partner can enhance your sex life. Even when the back rub does not immediately lead to sex, the benefits of massage such as tension and stress relief, increased blood flow, and release of oxytocin can have an enormous impact on your overall wellbeing as well as your sexual well-being. This is especially the case when your partner does the massage. So how do you give your partner a sensual massage? Here are three tips to get you started.
1. The Right Setting
You will find that in giving your partner a massage, having the right setting makes all the difference. First, you will need to find the right place for your partner to lie down and the right time to be able to eliminate as many distractions as possible. The bed may seem like the most obvious spot to start, but the downside of this is that there is often too much give, which makes it difficult to really put the pressure where you need it. Unless you have an expensive massage table, your best bet may actually be to have your partner lay on the floor with some strategically placed pillows or a few down comforters to lie on. The floor will help provide the support you need to apply enough pressure to get the job done.
Once you have the pragmatics squared away, then you need to make sure you have the right lighting and scents, such as essential oils, to be ready to set the mood. Candles are not a bad addition either to use for light or scents. Make sure the room has warmth because it is much easier to relax and enjoy when you aren’t shivering your bootie off. Setting the scene for a massage is just as important as setting the scene for sex (and those do not have to be mutually exclusive).
2. The Right Tools
The right place is important, but perhaps just as important is having the right tools. Do you have the right oils? Some of the best massage oils are lighter ones that have the base oils as vegetable, nut or seed oil. Sweet almond, grapeseed and sunflower oils are some of my favorites. You can look at a great massage oil kit here. There are even some massage oils that are edible and can make the massage that much more interesting! Do you need massage oil that also doubles as lube? Do you need to keep in mind any allergies you or your partner may have? Do you need some tools like trigger points or roller balls if you lack the hand or upper body strength needed to apply the amount of pressure your partner needs? What about sex toys or protection?
If you think the massage may lead to more sexually intimate acts, it may be in your best interest to keep contraception or any other necessary items nearby so you can transition smoothly from one to the other. After all, the scene you are setting is very romantic, so having to stop and go get something like a condom may be off-putting or mood-killing. Make sure you have everything you need before you begin.
3. The Right Places
Many people do not really know where to spend the most time when giving a massage or do not take the time to ask their partners what they need. Most professional massage therapists will take the time for a 5-15 minute consult before the massage to get to know their client’s comfort zones, sore spots, where they should avoid, and where they need pressure the most. You should too. Familiarize yourself with where the body tends to hold stress (like the buttocks and hips) and where the erogenous zones are (if that’s in line with your goal for the massage) before you begin.
Once you begin the massage, try to always keep at least one hand touching your partner so you don’t break contact, and maybe even try to keep your eyes closed. This can heighten and even increase your own sensitivity while you are touching your partner. Try to use more stroking and gliding motions that allow you to flow from one position to the next. Take it slow and with intention to help your partner feel relaxed.
Bonus Tip: Know What You Are Doing Before You Start
While it is important to know what you are doing in the sense of understanding how and where to touch, it is even more important to know what you’re doing in regards to your intentions. You need to know before you begin whether you want to massage your partner for the purpose of making them feel good or for the purpose of getting them aroused and interested in sex.
More importantly, these intentions need to be clear to your partner as well–and they need to match. You do not want unclear or mismatched intentions causing frustration or distrust among either of you. Know what you’re doing before you start, and then do it. Sometimes the fun of doing a massage for the purpose of relaxing or turning your partner on is saving the sex for another night to help build up the tension that the massage can bring. That is the key to making this experience the best for both of you.
