You’re lying in bed next to your partner, feeling miles apart despite being inches away. If you're reading this, you're probably trapped in a sexless relationship and wondering if you're alone in this struggle. Spoiler alert: you're not. Millions of couples are dealing with the same silent crisis behind closed doors. Whether you're in a sexless marriage that's left you feeling touch starved or you're trying to figure out if walking away is your only option, this guide will help you understand what's happening and what you can do about it.
What does a sexless relationship look like?
What is considered a sexless relationship exactly? Experts typically define it as a relationship where couples have sex fewer than 10 times per year. But honestly, the numbers don't tell the whole story. A sexless relationship is really about the growing physical distance, the careful dance of avoiding touch, and the heavy silence that replaces what used to be a passionate connection.
What is a sexless relationship called in clinical terms? Therapists might refer to it as a "companionate relationship" or when married, a "platonic marriage." Some call it a dead bedroom situation. Whatever label you use, the reality is the same: you're in a relationship without sex, and it's probably affecting every other aspect of your partnership. You might notice your partner pulling back when you reach for them, the quick kiss goodbye has disappeared, and you can't remember the last time you felt desired. Maybe you're already sleeping in separate rooms, using work stress or snoring as the excuse.
Is it normal for relationships to become sexless?
Losing intimacy is more common than most people like to admit. Life has a way of killing romance, between kids, careers, health issues, and plain exhaustion, many couples find themselves drifting apart physically. But can sexless couples be happy? It's complicated. Some couples genuinely thrive with minimal physical intimacy, having found other ways to connect deeply. For others, the lack of sex is a symptom of bigger relationship problems that are slowly poisoning everything else.
Reasons why a sexless relationship happens
Understanding why you've ended up in a relationship without intimacy is the first step toward fixing it. Let's address some hard questions:
Why don't I want to be touched by my partner? This sexual avoidance might stem from unresolved resentment, past trauma surfacing, or simply feeling emotionally disconnected. Sometimes we start building walls to protect ourselves from further hurt. You might be shutting down physically because you feel emotionally neglected or unheard. When emotional intimacy dies, physical intimacy often follows.
What happens to a guy in a sexless relationship? Many men report feeling rejected, undesirable, and deeply frustrated. The constant rejection can destroy self-esteem and lead to numbing feelings with work, hobbies, or porn. Some men experience intense sexual frustration that morphs into anger or depression. They might give their partner the cold shoulder in return, creating a vicious cycle of distance.
What causes a woman to lack intimacy? For women, low libido can result from hormonal changes, feeling overwhelmed by mental load, body image issues, or feeling like their partner's mother rather than lover. Sometimes it's about not feeling emotionally safe or valued outside the bedroom. When a woman feels like she's just another item on her partner's to-do list, closing off sexually turns into a form of self-protection.
What happens when a woman is sexually deprived in a relationship? Women in sexless marriages often feel invisible, undesired, and question their attractiveness. This can lead to profound loneliness, resentment, and sometimes seeking validation elsewhere. Being affection starved can deeply impact a woman’s self-worth and can trigger depression or anxiety.
Can a sexless relationship work?
So what is a sexless relationship called when both partners accept it? Some call it a companionate marriage or celibate relationship by choice. How common are these sexless relationships? Well, studies suggest 15-20% of couples are in sexless marriages, though the real numbers are likely higher due to shame and stigma around discussing it.
Can it actually work? Sometimes, yes. If both partners have naturally different sex drives but maintain other forms of intimacy and connection, they might go through it successfully. The key is that both people need to be genuinely okay with the arrangement and it’s not just one person suffering in silence while the other remains oblivious to their unmet needs.
Should I stay in a sexless relationship?
At what point do you leave a sexless relationship? There's no right answer, but you have to consider a few things:
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Are both of you willing to work on your relationship issues?
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Is the sexual incompatibility accompanied by other forms of relationship dysfunction?
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Are you staying out of fear, obligation, or genuine love?
Should I accept my sexless relationship? Only you can answer that. Some people can accept their situation, especially if other aspects of the partnership are fulfilling. For others, intimacy problems are dealbreakers. Both decisions are valid. The question is whether the cost to your mental health, self-esteem, and happiness is worth staying.
Is it okay to cheat if you are in a sexless relationship?
When you're dealing with chronic sexual frustration, the temptation to seek physical connection elsewhere can be overwhelming. But is a sexless relationship unhealthy enough to justify cheating? While the lack of intimacy is certainly unhealthy for most people, infidelity is not the right answer. It’ll only make your situation worse and prevent you from dealing with the real issues.
What to do about your sexless relationship
Ready to tackle this head-on? Here are your options:
Start communicating. Break the silent treatment and have an honest conversation. Yes, it's uncomfortable, but a communication breakdown is often at the heart of intimacy issues. Use "I" statements: "I feel distant from you" rather than "You never want sex anymore."
Get professional help. Intimacy coaching or couples therapy can be your\ safe space to explore what's causing the distance. A professional can help you navigate whether this is about different sex drives or deeper emotional walls.
Address the underlying issues. Are you both stressed? Dealing with health problems? Carrying resentment? Sometimes stopping sex is a symptom of other problems that need attention first.
Take pressure off sex. Focus on rebuilding non-sexual physical touch first. Hold hands, cuddle without expectation, give massages. Start reestablishing physical connection without the pressure of it leading anywhere.
Consider introducing toys and aids. These can be absolute game-changers for couples trying to rebuild intimacy. Explore this together. Maybe browse an online shop as a couple, laugh at the ridiculous options, and pick something that intrigues you both. It takes pressure off performance and adds playful exploration back into your relationship.
Work on yourself. Whether that means addressing your own mental health, getting in shape, or rediscovering your own sexuality, personal growth can help shift relationship dynamics.
Consider your options honestly. If nothing changes despite genuine effort from both parties, you might need to accept that you're facing fundamental incompatibility. Some couples open their relationships, others separate. There's no shame in admitting when something isn't working anymore.
Key Takeaways
Living in a no sex relationship or sexless marriage is incredibly challenging and often lonely. Whether you're the one turning away from touch or the one feeling rejected, the pain is real. But remember:
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You're not alone – intimacy avoidance affects millions of couples
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The problem is usually about more than just sex – it's often a symptom of deeper issues
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Both partners need to want change for improvements to happen
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Professional help can make a huge difference
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Sometimes loving someone means letting go if you're fundamentally incompatible
Your needs matter. You deserve to feel desired, loved, and fulfilled. Whether that means working to rebuild intimacy in your current relationship or finding the courage to seek happiness elsewhere, you have the power to change your situation. Don't let fear or shame keep you stuck in an unfulfilled relationship that's slowly draining your joy. Take the first step today, whatever that looks like for you.
